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peaking
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today i hit my all time peak on league of 355 lp, i keep thinking this should make me happy but actually i have a feeling of deja vu and a little bit of sadness. the first time i peaked 327 lp in season 11, i was told i was just a yuumi one trick and i got really tilted and was 3 games away from gm but i just never got back there, the second time i was 326 lp in season 12 and i lost everything again cause it was so frustrating to be 1 lp away from my peak but just never get there lol... and now here i am at 355 lp i dont even feel like it means anything because everyone says this is the elo inflated season. (however i do genuinely admit that i had a lot of bad habits i autopiloted on in past seasons and i think that i have improved a lot this season, but it makes me feel like i got lucky in my peaks last year because i never got back to them in the past seasons and i dont actually know if im good enough to go further?)
so this kind of has me feeling like its a bit of a false peak and none of my accomplishments mean anything. but at the end of the day, i love league and i keep playing because i genuinely have a desire to get better and be one of the best. i dont think i would get so upset at losing if i didnt care a lot. im at the point in my life where league shouldnt take the majority of my time but in the past 7 years i havent found a single thing that gives me dopamine the way that gaining LP does (except being in love maybe lol)
one of my character flaws is my inability to accept criticism, sometimes people criticize my gameplay but it feels like a personal insult. i have always been very sensitive but i know i have to have a different mindset (at least when it comes to league) if i want to be the best ♡
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woo go paige! who cares what people say just focus on YOU. You are making strides and getting close to GM. People will talk regardless of what you play so just play what you enjoy and keep at it. You got this |
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by flopping 1681187529655 |
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imo caring a lot about losing can be good as long as it means looking at losses to learn, similarly being sensitive to critcism is good as long as it means learning (also, I'd bet you're not weird in that way, at least as far as league players go; I feel like a lot of league players taking losing personally and are sensitive to criticism) on LP, it's probably good to have like 200 LP above where you are as your goal and look for a few things to improve that would make the difference on what the game means to you or what things people say mean to you idk lol that's up to you |
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by thetankman 1681344170566 |
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